What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 28.06.2025 03:09
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Who then, do I blame.?
Redefining physics to roll a ball vertically - Phys.org
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Are greedy private sector landlords responsible for Britain's housing crisis?
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I write beautiful poetry .
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
NYC summer stargazing seasons kicks off with triangle, meteor showers - Gothamist
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Have you ever forcibly sucked someone’s dick?
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Farewell, Mr. Eclipse: Fred Espenak dies at 71 - Astronomy Magazine
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Florida Panthers vs Edmonton Oilers Prediction 6/14/25 NHL Picks - PickDawgz
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
She found it foreign!.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Scientists stunned as underwater volcano unleashes over a million giant eggs - Glass Almanac
She was in good health!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Is it okay or problematic to be both Black and gay in society in the 21st century?
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Exactly When Apple Will Launch iPhone 17 And iPhone 17 Pro - Forbes
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Scientists have discovered 'third state' between life and death - WKRC
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I don,t even have a pension.
So, i spoilt her more .
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Vernon Reid on Why Sly and the Family Stone Were the Greatest American Band - Rolling Stone
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I said to her
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
It was going to be , some day.
I waited trembling.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I was scared of men, in general
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
This is soul school!.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Comes on , in middle age.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
He resisted the act ,that day.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I think the readers, may guess!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Especially a lifetime of it.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I have no regrets .
I was seconnd youngest,
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I had hoped to write a book about this .
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I couldn’t, believe it.
She loved him until the end.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
We were not on the streets..
Put me off passion for life!!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
When she asked me how she looked .
And who doesn’t know suffering?
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Ive learnt so much.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
He knew the spot.
My life is so biszare .
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Why did i forgive my father ?
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
She married twice! .
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I could never make a relationship work though!
But ive been too sick for many years..
So whats the point in blame.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I was 9 years of age.
What did i know ?
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
And i lived it daily.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Im still living with it.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
We all went to grammer schools
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
One cannot live in the past .
But it wasn’t much.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
All the time i was locked up.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I never cut or harmed myself..
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
My family never makes their pension either.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Would this be the day?
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I was very sick at this time too.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I will be 64.
She wouldn,t have been !
But, we were locked up after school.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,